A Stock Market’s Obituary

It is with great sadness that we announce the passing of the Dow Jones Industrial Average. After a strong and courageous battle, the Dow Jones fell victim to a credit crisis and finally succumbed on Friday, October 3, 2008, when it fell decisively below the mid- point between its 2002 low and its 2007 high.

Cherished father of all those that raise money for their corporations, whether they needed the money or not, the stock market will be sadly missed by thousands of stockbrokers around their world who earned their livelihoods by peddling stocks. The stock market is predeceased by the U.S. housing market, which passed in 2005.

Special thanks to Hank Paulson, Secretary of the Treasury, and Ben Bernanke, the head of the Federal Reserve, for their talented efforts to save the market.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average began a great bull market when it rose from 7,286 in October 2002, almost doubling to 14,279 by October 2007. Many brokers and financers got rich during this bull market. We thank all the talented people on Wall Street for developing mortgage-backed securities for syndication, many of which are worthless today.


Private services will be held individually each night by all the stockbrokers, money managers, regular banks, investment banks and IPO lawyers who made their living selling stock or by taking companies public.

Donations may be made to the mortgage companies that own the brokers’ homes, their second homes in the Hamptons and their third homes in Florida.